Two Marauders In A Bed
by Elpin
Summary: A one shot inspired by the South Park episode Two Guys Naked in a Hot Tub. So yeah, it's slash. JamesSirius.


**Warning:** language (a lot) and sexual situation.

**Disclaimer**: JKR owns it all, except I highly doubt she would ever write a plot quite like this.

**Note:** This was inspired by the South Park episode called: "Two Guys Naked in a Hot Tub." But the plot isn't anything like it really. Just inspired. I love South Park!! And hey: four boys, four Marauders. Hope someone thinks this is funny. I thought it up while walking home on the 80th or something rainy day in a row. So, you see the need for some distraction! Hate bloody bloody rain!!

-:-

"Come on, James! We're 16 years old! It's completely normal to be curious!" The aforementioned James Potter scoffed. He was sitting leaned against the headboard of his bed, on the left side so that Sirius, the one who was currently irritating the hell out of him, had room enough to sit across from him and stare at him with puppy eyes.

"I am not in the least _curious_, Sirius! Don't even think it! It would be… _incest._" Now it was Sirius' turn to scoff.

"Oh, come on! Last time I checked we weren't related, _thank god._"

"You know what I mean! It would be like… _emotional_ incest. I've bloody known you since we were eleven!"

"For fuck's sake, James! Loads of people become good friends before… anyway that's not the point! We're only talking about a fucking-"

"No, don't even say it!"

"Stop being such a prude! I'm not asking for a bloody relationship! All I want is to see how it feels. It's just a hand job!" James closed his eyes, wincing, but Sirius knew his friend was faking. He could see James was slowly caving in. He just wanted to appear on the "straight" side.

"This is crazy." Sirius grinned. Yes, James was very close to caving in. He edged closer and leaned in.

"Come on. Do you honestly think I can't _see_ that you are just as fucking _curious_ as I am?" James glanced down and sighed.

"Fine… but don't you bloody _dare_ tell anyone! And this means _nothing_. It's just…"

"Wanking each other off. I know, I know."

"How are we going to do this?" Sirius just shook his head lovingly at his friend and turned around to they both had their backs to the headboard.

"See? It's just like normal… only you'll just have you hand slightly to the right." James laughed at this, the awkwardness fading.

"We need to lock and charm the door."

"Already done," Sirius answered smugly. James cocked an eyebrow.

"Oh, really? That was mighty presumptuous of you."

"So? Get you trousers off already!"

"But remember. We're still just mates after-"

"Yes! Do you honestly think I want a _boy_friend, and for that to be you of all people?"

"What wrong with me?" Sirius just shook his head and decided that action was needed, desperately, before James completely destroyed the moment. Not that there actually was a moment. Sirius just wanted things to move quickly. So he slid his hand over and started helping James out of his offending trousers. James luckily took the hint and let Sirius pull them off before helping Sirius with his. Once done James looked uncertain for a moment, but all that was quickly wiped from his mind as he felt Sirius' hand start stroking him. He gasped at the unfamiliar sensation. After the first shock was over he decided that he better return the favour. When he had gotten a nice rhythm going he looked up into Sirius' eyes and found them boring into his. They came together moments later, both still staring into each other's eyes. Afterwards it was Sirius who regained his composure first. He got out his wand and waved away the mess.

"Well… that was… pretty damn good." He said before he started making himself presentable again for the common room.

"Yeah," James breathed.

"Well. Thanks. We'll never speak of it again, _ever_,"

"Ok," James breathed.

"I mean it."

"What are you? Scared I'll tell?" James suddenly found it quite amusing that the tables had turned so suddenly.

"Oh, I know you wont. Just making sure. We're still just _mates," _Sirius declared before unlocking the door and leaving. James looked around and found he should also get his pants on before someone came in. He managed, though he still seemed a bit distracted by what had just transpired.

xxx

"Sirius? Couldn't we just talk about it?"

"About what?" Sirius and James were currently sitting in the Room of Requirement, were they did most of their homework and prank planning.

"About… what happened… last night." Sirius looked confused for a second, then his eyes went wide.

"Oh, that… I thought I said we wouldn't speak of it?" His voice bore a hint of accusation.

"But… I mean… we should be able to talk about it. We're still friends. We should be able to talk about anything."

"You sound like a girl. There is absolutely nothing to talk about." Sirius tried turning back to his Potions essay, but found James' whining couldn't be that easily shut out.

"But Sirius, please. I just want to know… what it meant to you." Sirius head shot up and he stared at James.

"Are you mad? I said _leave it_."

"But Sirius-"

"For god's sake Prongs," Sirius interrupted. Then without another word he got up and left the room.

xxx

Sirius flew a few circles before landing on the soft pitch after what everybody agreed was an excellent practise. James landed beside him seconds later. He glanced shyly at Sirius before stepping closer.

"You looked real good on your broom today, Sirius." Sirius thought he sounded like a third-year girl. He suppressed the urge to tell James this however and instead stared at him with a somewhat horrified expression.

"You're mental, Prongs. Honestly I think I should take you to the Hospital Wing because you've been acting weird."

"I don't need to go the to Hospital Wing, Sirius. What I need is for you to be serious for a second and _talk_ to me."

"Prongs…" Sirius said warily.

"Please, say James would you?"

"What?" Sirius jumped back when James put a hand on his shoulder. They were suddenly standing way too close for Sirius' comfort.

"Look, Sirius. We are still friends right? You've been acting distant lately… you know just because we shared an intimate moment-"

"We did not share a bloody intimate moment! That makes it sound gay!" He was becoming increasingly flustered. Suddenly he just turned and ran towards the castle.

xxx

"You know I heard he was gay."

"Yeah, I heard that too. Do you think it's true?" Sirius edged closed to the two whispering Gryffindors. He stood right behind them. Unfortunately he wasn't invisible, because he didn't have the cloak since it was in the middle of the day, and the two boys quickly noticed him.

"Do you think he's gay?" One of the boys asked casually.

"What? Who?" Sirius' voice sounded a bit panicked.

"Rosier, in Slytherin?"

"Oh… maybe." Sirius turned and walked away quickly, letting out a sigh of relief. _Stop being paranoid. James would never tell. He was the one-_

"Sirius! There you are! I've been looking for you _everywhere_." Sirius' thoughts were interrupted. He spun around to see James beaming at him. He repressed the urge to run for it.

"What is it?" He asked irritably. A look of hurt spread across James' face.

"You don't have to be snippy with me." Sirius groaned. "Why wont you stop acting like a stranger to me? Ever since…"

"I am not acting weird! You are! Have you told anyone!? Cause I swear it feels like everybody knows. Which I wouldn't usually care about, but you're acting like… like we're _together_ or something."

"Well, I just wanted us to discuss what happened," James answered curtly.

"Oh, for _fuck's_ sake, Prongs! It was just a _HAND JOB!"_ Sirius shouted, a lot more loudly than intended, and caused the whole room full of Gryffindors to turn their heads. James looked shocked, Remus, who was sitting at a nearby table, looked amused, and Peter was gaping at both of them. Sirius glanced around nervously.

"What?" He asked the staring crowd. "We helped each other out, as friends." His voice was very high-pitched. A few moments of deafly silence and then murmurings were heard:

"Who cares."

"In denial."

"What was the point of sharing that with the whole room?"

"Could've had the decency not to shout."

"Like two friends never helped each other get off. Honestly those two are childish." Sirius stared at the retreating Gryffindors. He looked like a fish with his mouth opening and closing all the time. Finally his gaze settled on James, who was grinning like a mad man.

"What?" Sirius frowned in confusion.

"That was bloody hilarious. And you thought _I_ would be the one to have a problem with it. _Brilliant!_" James was laughing. Remus got up and made his way over to the pair.

"I must say, James. That was very entertaining." Sirius looked from Remus to James and back, still very confused.

"Yeah, but it was hard keeping a straight face all the time."

"Who would have thought you could unsettle the Great Prankster Sirius Black? I think James however holds that title now."

"What? Wait! What are you talking about?"

"Serves you right for that stunt you pulled on me last week with the self-guiding broom you replaced mine with. Go on, give us a kiss, Padfoot!" Sirius fumed silently for a few seconds, but the other two just kept on laughing. Finally his anger subsided and he admitted defeat.

"That was a good one, Prongs. Where on earth did you get the brains to pull off something like that?"

-:-

I don't know why I found this amusing, but I just couldn't stop picturing Sirius being the one embarrassed for a change.


End file.
